mindtreason

In the past, I really never thought about gun control, or how it affected me.  With the passing of recent events, I’ve granted the thought of it more processing time.  I’ve given it a considerable amount of thought.
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“Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus?”
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Truly, today was a sad day.
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I’ve written about regret before, but I find it necessary to write about it once again.

I’m not sure why people think it’s noble, courageous, or good, to “live life without regret”. I think if you do, and you are someone that professes faith in Christ, you do not understand what the word “regret” means. Or, maybe, I do not understand what others are referring to when they say to live without regret. I will rely on the former statement.
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Many times I think that maybe I haven’t totally destroyed my destiny through the decisions I’ve made. I could not help but think, this weekend, that I feel incredibly comfortable where I am in life right now. Comfortably at war with my spiritual condition, that is.

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It’s amazing how little it takes to make a person feel incredibly small and insignificant.  A few of us went camping this weekend, so this bloggerfiic post is going to be kinda cliche.  You’ll get over it.

Anyway, being outdoors is amazing.  It’s funny though, because for the most part, I’m a chicken when it comes to being out in the woods.  A complete paradox inside me when I’m sitting there–I’m pretty much terrified of the wilderness, but I’m so in awe of it.  The size, the simplicity–how bare-bones it is.  I think I’m slowly overcoming my fear, which is good, because I have a strong desire to retreat to the wilderness to be alone with God in a very simple and natural way.
I don’t relaly know what I’m afraid of in the woods, either.  I think I have this subconscious thought that I’m being hunted, stalked, or followed in some way by some sort of creature–some rabid, mangy, blood-soaked weresquirrel or something…I dunno.  Maybe part of it is the fact that it’s so much larger than me…so beyond my control.

It was a good time–we missed having some folks there, but I’m sure there will be plenty of other trips over the summer, especially now that we have the gear.

Joy surrounds my eager heart
But still I feel so far away.
Quiet echoes of my whispered prayers
Fall back down to fill my ears.
And all I fear is in Your hands
The fear I feel to see your hand.
Have angels lost me from their sight?
Have I disappeared?
But grant me this, my desparate hope!
To hear You speak, once again, to trust Your voice.

Joy surrounds my dying soul
And still I feel so far away
The silent sound of my silent God
Fills the caverns of my soul.
And I still fear to trust your hand
I feel this fear, but not your hand.
An angel’s might, their obedient ear.
Your voice, I can’t hear.
But grant me this, my desperate cry
To trust your silence without knowing why.

I’m sure I’ll catch some flak for this (or, the flak I would catch will be cowardly hidden in your little “things I don’t like about Steven” compartment), but at any rate, here it is.  It’s long, go get some ice cream.

It comes up all of the time, and most of you have probably argued over it.  Students at my university are always barking about it, trying to sound more scholarly than they are, and I guess that’s expected–it’s part of learning.  It’s a great debate, and many trees have been sacrificed in the making.  Basically, I’m just another guy that has another opinion.  I do, of course, believe that my opinion is biblical and very logical, but I am just a man.  Just a man.

I’m talking about predestination and free-will.  I can still remember the first time that I was made aware of the debate.  I was standing in Grace Baptist Church, and someone, older and wiser, asked me “well, do you believe in predestination?”  I had no idea what he meant.  “Predestination?  What…destiny?  Pre determined destiny?”

Of course, it’s a loaded question.  Most of you would say “it depends on what is being destined.”  Are we talking about the election of saints?  Are we talking about God determining the outcome of this bubble we live in called Time well before it began?  What is “pre” to God?  God, having no beginning or end, is.  Everything is happening simultaneously to him (if you would like to think of it that way…think of Einstein’s theory of special relativity and frame of reference).

So there, I have been asked the big Christian question that gets asked to every Christian once they are Christian.  I had no idea what to say, but my reaction was “Of course not.  I believe that God lets every man decide for himself if he would like to accept Christ as his savior.  They have that choice to make.  Free will.”  The reason I answered this way was because I couldn’t imagine that a loving God could destine people to Hell.  I couldn’t imagine a loving God hardening hearts, or choosing who has mercy over.  It made God look bad.  It hurt.

I was young.  I was not aware that this was even an issue.  Sure, I knew that God was omniscient and omnipresent, but I seemed to just fit that into my little compartment called “God”.

My answer now?  For the most part, yes.  I believe that God chooses who He will have mercy on, and who He will not have mercy on.  I believe that some people, despite humans not knowing the difference (because we don’t know the future), have no chance.  Is this because, being God, He knows what choices they will make, and what road they will end up on, thus, what place they will spend eternity in?  I do not know.  One could argue that the will of man, being free, cannot be manipulated (thus taking the Free out of Free will), so, God did not “choose” to destine them to Hell, but there was nothing He could do that would alter their fate.  One could then say that they were destined to Hell.  They were predestined.

On the other hand, you could argue that God, being the sustainer of the universe, is involved in every decision.  Because He is in fact what holds the universe together, He has to be involved, or whatever was existing would not exist, and therefore could not choose.  This brings up the question of whether God destines people to sin.

And then there’s the happy medium that I like to hang out in.  I believe that, as harsh as it sounds, God, in order to show the magnitude of His mercy and grace, has predestined each person.  Humans, having a finite understanding and existence, cannot determine who is destined to each place, and thus have to do as Christ commanded–Go.  Preach.  Love.

Let me offer you this thought:  If God, in his sustaining presence, and sovereignty, were to allowe _complete_ free will, how would He then be able to control the outcome of His story?  Does God sit back and watch, and then make moves, or does he make moves and then sit back and watch?  For example, God knows what I will do tomorrow, but are his actions a reaction to my choices, or are does He directly influence my decisions to achieve the desired outcome?

For God to control the ultimate outcome of the world, He cannot offer complete and utter Free Will (imagine a daycare with no adults?).  He _must_ influence, He _must_ direct.  He has not left this world to chance.  He has a plan, and He, with or without our help, will see to it that that plan is fulfilled in His timing, on His schedule, and for His purpose.  Believing something else, say, that God’s plan and timing is based on the actions and choices of humanity, is insane.  That means that we can change the future, and that means we can change the outcome.  We cannot.

What you have is perceived Free Will.  Because we are finite and confined to the present, we have the illusion that the choice we make is totally up to us.  People often say “Well, God knew you would choose that.”  Oh, He did?  Then did I have a choice at all?  If He knew that I would choose X over Y, then did I ever ACTUALLY have a chance to choose Y?  If God cannot be fooled, then no, I did not.  Yes, I am the one that chose X, but I would have never chosen Y.  I believe it was impossible for me to ever choose Y.  It’s a perception.  We are confined to perceive the choices we have as choices because we do not know the outcome.  I guess by definition, it is free will; I was presented with two options, and I chose one over the other.  The real question, I believe, is did God have a hand in it.  Did He influence, or move me in a way such that one option was more appealing than the other?  Then again, even if God does predestine a person to Hell, there’s no reason why He can’t change His mind.  That, in itself, is crazy sounding to me (an infinite omniscient Being, able to alter His own infinitely perfect decisions)…He’s done it before…and I believe this happens, on a regular basis.  People that pray intensely and beg God, boldy requesting Him to let ONE more into His kingdom.  I believe He listens.  I believe He feels our pain.

This offers yet another question though:  If God can change His mind about a destiny he has purposed from the beginning of “time”, then are there multiple futures?  Since God can do pretty much anything (pretty much meaning He can’t be evil), He could pull some major strings, alter our minds, memories, and emotions, change circumstances, and ultimately effect a new future.  He could do this infinitely, not changing our decisions in each choice, but changing the cirucmstances surrounding the choice to acheive a desired outcome, without us ever knowing.  He could also “forget” the future, or purposefully not allow it to be seen by Himself until that point in time has been crossed by human existence.  Theories really, we’ll never know.

I believe that God isn’t required to show X amount of mercy on each person.  We aren’t guaranteed a certain amount by God, and I think that’s what Paul was explaining in Romans 9.  God can choose to ignore you–He has that right.  He’s God.  And if that upsets you, you need to get over it, because He’s God, and you aren’t.  I guess the whole point of this post is that just because something seems harsh to me, or you, doesn’t mean it isn’t how it is.  Reality is, there’s a Hell.  Reality is, there are people in it.  That makes me cringe, but I do not blame God, or call His character into question.  God’s character is not controlled by how I feel about something He does–if I think it’s upsetting that God would allow bad things to happen (or destine people to Hell), and that would effectively change how I felt about God, then I have a problem–a problem I need to get over.  Regardless, my God isn’t “nice”, He’s Holy, and Holy doesn’t equate to “nice” all of the time.  Get over your warm, fuzzy, kitten-loving view of God and hop into reality with the rest of us.

I guess ultimately, I really have no idea.  I believe that it’s impossible to have complete free will and complete control at the same time.  I think there’s a medium in there, and that’s where God has created us.  He has ultimate control over our world, and we have a choice to love Him.  Whether He in fact chooses who goes to heaven and who doesn’t, or whether He orchestrates our every move, I’m not sure I can answer one way or the other.  I do, however, know what God has promised, and I know what God has commanded.  That’s all I have to go on, and the rest of it is just there for us to argue and bicker over, because let’s face it, that’s what humans are best at.  Arguing and bickering–we’re all whiny little bastards.